Our Miracle Babies

As many of you know, Jake and I aren't pro in fertilization department. Apparently when we were all up in Heaven getting our personality choices, physical features, etc., I stood in the defect line three times instead of just once. I probably wasn't paying attention... as usual.

In January of 2013, I started my hardcore drugs and we were planning a round of IUI. There were 2 shots, 1 oral pill and another "where the sun don't shine" plus a basic prenatal. They were all timed out perfectly and made me feel pretty crappy to be honest. I felt like I was already having a terrible first trimester minus the whole being pregnant part. I was nauseous  had headaches, cried over everything, tired and bloated. Oh my gosh! You have never felt bloated until your ovaries are the size of softballs! Regularly, they are small grapes.

They were all taken for different lengths of time but the bulk of it lasted about two weeks.

About midway, our Baby Making Dr. decided that IVF was probably the way to go instead. This way, we could also freeze embryos from this retrieval as well as use a few to get me preggers; killing two birds with one stone. Because I had already started the rounds for IUI, he preferred that we continue with that for now and start the IVF cycle fresh... It is supposed to work better that way.

In February, we went in for my ultrasound. These are scheduled frequently. There was good news and bad news; The good news was that my body was responding really well to the drugs, and the bad news was that I had responded so well that I have made way too many eggs to do an IUI round. The way he put it, I would be the next "Octo-mom" if not more. We decided to scrap that round and in March start my treatment for IVF. I left feeling a bit disappointed, but also grateful that it was working. It was a really awkward mix of emotions.

In March, Jake and I left for Hawaii a few days before my Aunty Flow was supposed to make her appearance. I say supposed to really accented because to be real, she just kinda comes and goes as she pleases. Rather inconvenient for scheduling appointments if you ask me.

I had my birth control* in hand and was given strict instructions that if anything was different or felt off or if I did not get my period to take a pregnancy test before taking the pills. Well a few days passed and nothing happened. One morning, I just threw in the towel. I pulled out my pee stick and said to Jake, "Don't think I'm crazy. I know it's really really unlikely but Dr. Man told me to take a test before starting my new round of drugs."

*Although it sounds like a contradictory, the month before starting shots/etc. with IVF it is common practice to use birth control. This way, your entire body is planned what will do what when and you don't have to do any guessing at all.

I couldn't believe it. I honestly though I was reading the test wrong when saw those infamous, two little blue lines. He looked at it and we were both like "Whaaaaa?" It was a pretty old test so he walked down to the Foodland and got more. The digital ones.

PREGNANT.

I called the office and talked my nurse asking all sorts of questions.
"Could the drugs in my system still be doing this?"
"Are they both false positives?"

Anything I could think of. We scheduled an appointment for when we got home to come in for an ultrasound to confirm if it was real and if so how many.

Yikes.

While we were there visiting our old school, reminiscent places and school, we were also visiting his brothers who were attending school. We kept it a secret from his brothers the rest of the trip

When we got home, it was confirmed that we had in fact made a couple of little miracles. We decided not to tell anyone for a while, based on the fact that these were not easily made and at any moment could be taken away from us.

My family was told on Easter and his on Mother's Day so we could tell them in person around the entire family.

Although we are so excited and so grateful for these blessings, we know that we still have a long road ahead of  us. As soon as possible, after the twins are born, I will be going through a round of IVF to retrieve eggs and freeze embryos. Because my fertility is drastically dropping, we want to keep as many chances to have more babies as possible.

This may only be funny to us Infertile Myrtles

Nothing New

As of right now, there is nothing new to really say. Since we were in Hawaii during my cycle in March, we had to take this month off. We were hoping that using birth control we still could, but timing did not work out the way we had wanted. Here is a video that I found on my computer from February.

I took it late at night while Jake was sleeping, so it's a little hard to hear and I look amazing! The video is in two parts because it is slightly too long to upload all at once.

The Good and The Bad

The good news so far is that I am responding to the drugs. Also, Hubbie's swimmies  came back at 49 million versus the 6 million from last time. Doc was blown out of the water the progress we are making! The bad is that since I responded too well, we had to scrap this cycle. I don't want to be the next Octo-mom. We will continue to experiment with the drugs. Which, by the way, I can now give myself the shots. It's pretty scary at first but after you fo it once it gets easier. My injection site is getting a bit bruised and I'm starting to bleed there so I'll move from injecting my leg to injecting my stomach.

When I went in for my ultrasound today, it showed my ovaries the size of softballs. Normally, they are about the size of a greek olive. Because of this, I'm pretty bloated and I am definitely feeling that they are there! I'm too excited about my period next month as it will be worse than usual and they are not ever a walk in the park for me. Next month I'll be releasing about 12 eggs instead of 1 because of the medications I've been on. Oof...

Even though we are on the right track, we still aren't out of the woods. Since my fertility is going downhill fast, we have made the decision that we will probably skip the IUI altogether and just do IVF. This way we can cryofreeze my eggs so we can have more than one baby. We can also control the situation more.

Yesterday I had to fill in my Supervisor at work about IVF. I've been doing really well with being able to schedule ultrasounds around work, but things are going to get a bit more intense so I needed to tell him (yes, him) about it so he would be more understanding needing to come in a few minutes late or missing days for recovery. It was pretty awkward telling a 30 year old single guy you and your husband are doing IVF and then it becomes even more awkward when he doesn't know what that is and so you have to explain it to him... even when it's the very basics! He totally blushed...

Next month we are adjusting the meds as well as starting birth control. I know that sounds pretty counter productive, but this way we can control my body and make it do what we want when we want it. The next few weeks we won't have any new news, but I am so happy to have the ball rolling.

Day 5

Today, Sunday 2/10, is the 5th day in my cycle. I've been getting used to my morning ritual: Wake up, take my pills, then have Jake give me a shot.

My drug company ships me my prescriptions which is usually no big deal and the regular for fertility drugs. When I called to check up on things a few times, everyone was so unhelpful and did not seem to care that I couldn't wait 9 days for my delivery I needed it right then! Not because I am high maintenance but because everything is so strictly timed.

These are a few of the prescriptions I'm taking right now. I have a total of 12 more on the way.
This is also what my morning looks like.

Everything has to be taken/shot at the same time everyday or it messes up the entire process.

I called the "Baby-Maker" and they said to come in today and they would lend me their samples until I got my drugs and I would bring in my shipment to replace theirs. I bought some of the prescriptions off of a friend but will have to hope and pray and hope and wish and pray that my shipment arrives exactly when I need it.

Most of these companies deliver the very next day but ours does not.

This morning we got up nice and early to make our treck to the weekend office, roughly an hour away. Hubs learned how to mix my new shot which we're adding to the cocktail and how to use the syringe because up until now it's been a pen.

Day 2

Yesterday I started my period.

TMI? Too bad. You're reading an infertility blog.

As instructed, yesterday I called in (which was day 1) and made an appointment for my ultrasound. I cannot tell you how many I've had so far. It's an internal ultrasound and this was the first one Hubster got to see. So all 5 of us... Dr. Man, Hubs, Nurse and Student Doc all took a look at my uterus and my ovaries and my follicles and my hoo-hizzle. I'm telling you guys, it's a party!

After he grabbed some measurements, I got to put my pants back on and was given a list of drugs I'm going to be taking and when to take them all. Everything is very timed and has to be at that exact time.

Nurse taught me how to give myself the injections, while I cried, and then Sperminator shot me up with my first set of drugs.

The one today is not too bad. It is like an epipen so the needle is very small and short, but my other medication is a syringe meaning it will be a bit harder and I'll feel it more. Along with those, I have my pills that I take.

Before we left, the nurse explained to me that the drug company will call and we set up a time and place to meet because everything has to be refrigerated. Don't worry, we already made every joke about drug dealing possible.

Now the fun really begins! Experimenting with hormones to find the right cocktail and hoping everything works as planned.

The ultrasound wand also known as the "Dildo Cam"
Courtesy of a fellow infertile.

What Not to Say to Someone Struggling With Infertility

If you've ever said any of these to me, don't take it personally. I don't remember all of the who said whats, only what sucks to hear.

*These are all true statements of what I have gotten.

I was talking to my sister and she actually said something to the effect that she wishes she knew what not to say. I read this one a few months ago and agree with every word, which is probably why these lists will be so similar.

1. "Everything happens for a reason". - Really? First of all, I already knew that but how about next time you go through something tragic I'll say that to you and then we'll see how that goes over... Capisce?

2. "It will happen when the time is right." - Again, I know you're just trying to be nice and have something to say but honestly, I'd rather you just say nothing. I understand that things happen on a time frame of Meant-to-be's but again, it actually is hurtful. In fact I almost feel insulated, like I'm not good enough yet.

3. "You can have mine!" - You obviously don't understand what it's like to know you may never have your own.

4. "Well... we quit using birth control in January and in February I still wasn't pregnant. I know what it's like to take a while." - Wow. No words.

5. "You're lucky. I had these two on accident! I don't even talk to their dads anymore."-That's just being irresponsible and promiscuous.

6. "But you're so young! You should wait!" Yes, we're young. That is what makes this that much scarier and does not mean we have more time.

7. "Maybe you should just..." - Well if it were that easy we wouldn't be here, would we? I'll listen to my doctor's advice over yours. Sorry.

8. "Relax and it will happen!" - Again... no.

9. "You could just adopt." - Yes, we could, but we would still like our own. And again with the "just" word.

10. "Well I had a cousin/friend/aunt/uncle/dog's owner/client whose doctor said the same thing and then they had 4 on their own!" - Well good for them, and maybe that will happen but it's not something you want to hear about. Every situation is different.

BONUS: Trying to diagnose me. Please just don't do it. Unless you are a fertility specialist and have seen all of our tests and lab results it doesn't help and is mostly just annoying.